This post comes with a warning - it isn't very fitting with my usual sunny vibe - but I'm hoping that taking the time to unload this crap from my head will help me feel better and back to normal in no time!
So, you may have noticed I've been ... not away, but not as present as usual. Last week, I turned 30. Yeah, I know, no big deal, right? And it's not, I am a firm believer that age is just a number. But saying goodbye to my twenties hit me pretty hard. I am feeling the first stirrings of failure because I can't afford to live alone, I don't have the things most other people my age have, and I'm not sure where it went wrong. What happened? How am I THAT girl? When I first read Bridget Jones' Diary, I thought it was the funniest thing ever - but now I am at that age ... well, it's not so funny lol.
Then there's the writing thing. I always wanted to write. I always WANT to write. But lately, I am plagued by this nagging doubt telling me I suck. My writing isn't good enough, my books are too short, or too long, the characters aren't believable, my endings are rubbish. Blah, blah, blah. I'm not really looking for sympathy here because I know that everyone reading this who is a writer has been in this position. They've felt the doubts, they've let it consume them for a while, they've felt the sting of a negative review, and drowned their sorrows with ice cream/cake/chocolate ... or something else equally as bad for the waistline. I know I can get out of this - I think it's coming to an end but the last few weeks have been rough.
On a less depressing note - the free promotion for If I Let You Go was excellent! Everyone loves a freebie, right? :D Thanks again to all of you who were involved in spreading the word - and if you were cool enough to download, I would really appreciate if you could leave a review on Amazon or Goodreads! <3 Another thing keeping me away from blogging is critiquing. I have read three kickass manuscripts lately, one of which recently got a request from an agent! Good luck, Abby! I feel kinda proud lol. I didn't write the book, but I love knowing that maybe, along with Abby's other CPs, I helped a little. The flipside of critiquing is that I feel slightly hypocritical. It's part of the whole "I suck" thing, but I think if any of these people read my comments, then read Game On, they'd laugh! I've learned a lot since July, maybe I need to re-edit Game On and take some of my own advice.
Slightly related, I've decided that I will take Game On off Smashwords and enroll it in KDP. The reason being, I've made something like 4 sales on Samashwords, as opposed to many, many, many more on Amazon. If I Let You Go did really well, so I might consider doing a free promo of Game On before I release Blindsided.
Aaand those of you who signed up for the Blindsided blog tour will start receiving your posts towards the end of this week. I need to get them done before NaNo starts - yeah, I'm cutting it a bit fine!
Okay, enough of my self-involved ramblings - if you've made it this far, have a cookie! <3 br="br">
So, you may have noticed I've been ... not away, but not as present as usual. Last week, I turned 30. Yeah, I know, no big deal, right? And it's not, I am a firm believer that age is just a number. But saying goodbye to my twenties hit me pretty hard. I am feeling the first stirrings of failure because I can't afford to live alone, I don't have the things most other people my age have, and I'm not sure where it went wrong. What happened? How am I THAT girl? When I first read Bridget Jones' Diary, I thought it was the funniest thing ever - but now I am at that age ... well, it's not so funny lol.
Then there's the writing thing. I always wanted to write. I always WANT to write. But lately, I am plagued by this nagging doubt telling me I suck. My writing isn't good enough, my books are too short, or too long, the characters aren't believable, my endings are rubbish. Blah, blah, blah. I'm not really looking for sympathy here because I know that everyone reading this who is a writer has been in this position. They've felt the doubts, they've let it consume them for a while, they've felt the sting of a negative review, and drowned their sorrows with ice cream/cake/chocolate ... or something else equally as bad for the waistline. I know I can get out of this - I think it's coming to an end but the last few weeks have been rough.
On a less depressing note - the free promotion for If I Let You Go was excellent! Everyone loves a freebie, right? :D Thanks again to all of you who were involved in spreading the word - and if you were cool enough to download, I would really appreciate if you could leave a review on Amazon or Goodreads! <3 Another thing keeping me away from blogging is critiquing. I have read three kickass manuscripts lately, one of which recently got a request from an agent! Good luck, Abby! I feel kinda proud lol. I didn't write the book, but I love knowing that maybe, along with Abby's other CPs, I helped a little. The flipside of critiquing is that I feel slightly hypocritical. It's part of the whole "I suck" thing, but I think if any of these people read my comments, then read Game On, they'd laugh! I've learned a lot since July, maybe I need to re-edit Game On and take some of my own advice.
Slightly related, I've decided that I will take Game On off Smashwords and enroll it in KDP. The reason being, I've made something like 4 sales on Samashwords, as opposed to many, many, many more on Amazon. If I Let You Go did really well, so I might consider doing a free promo of Game On before I release Blindsided.
Aaand those of you who signed up for the Blindsided blog tour will start receiving your posts towards the end of this week. I need to get them done before NaNo starts - yeah, I'm cutting it a bit fine!
Okay, enough of my self-involved ramblings - if you've made it this far, have a cookie! <3 br="br">
After all the great reviews I've seen around here for Game On, I know you don't suck!
ReplyDeleteThirty is just a number. Measure yourself by your life, no one else's.
Hope your next book will be in the iBookstore though, as that's where I get almost all of my books. I only buy from Amazon if I have no choice.
Thank you, Alex!
DeleteI will see what I can do about getting it in the iBookstore. I'm not crazy about Smashwords, but I think there may be another way, so I'll keep you posted!
I had a freak out when I turned 25. Weird, right? Weirder still is that 30 didn't phase me at all. But now I'm older than that and still trying to get my first book out into the world. So yeah, I get what you're saying.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'd like to echo what Alex is saying. Smart man, that Alex.
Thanks for the cookie...
I guess these freak outs are normal at certain points in our lives!
Delete*nibbles cookie* Here, have a slice of choc fudge cake...
ReplyDeleteAww I think I know exactly what's going on here... you're just growing as a writer and that will ultimately make you look back at your older stuff and wish you'd done it differently. At least you're not looking back at it and thinking "I can't write as good as that anymore" - it's a step in the right direction!
And for the record, your books don't suck. Your writing is wonderful. I read "If I Let You Go" in one sitting the other night and enjoyed it immensley. I'll pop onto Amazon to leave my glowing review after work. :)
You're doing pretty well for 30! :) x
Ooh, chocolate fudge cake is better than cookies! :D
DeleteThat's an excellent point, and I never thought of it that way before! <3
Thank you so much, Catherine!
Oh dear, I think I can remember 30 . . . This, too, will pass - just keep on keeping on:-)
ReplyDeleteLol, thank you!
DeleteI turned 30 this last year, too. It's always a bit. . .odd, I guess. :) When my husband turned 30 I took him to Vegas. (He was more freaked out about turning 30 than I was.)
ReplyDeleteAs for the writing stuff, like you said, everyone feels that way so you have to just get through it and tell yourself not to stress out too much about it. Try to keep your chin up and your confidence high!
Heh, if someone had taken me to Vegas, I think I'd have freaked out much less LOL! :D
DeleteThanks, Rachel!
*huggles * Aww honey, why didn't you say something last night when we were online?
ReplyDeleteDon't compare yourself to others, just focus on what you've achieved before you turned thirty. Think of where you were six years ago when I met you, and all you've accomplished and overcome in that time. I'm incredibly proud of you.
And you're an excellent writer. As one of your CPs, I wouldn't let you release books if they were rubbish. Think of all the positive feedback you've received and all the sales you've made.
And think about what an awesome CP you are, not just for me, but for others. You've helped me immensely.
I'm here if you need me. Love you. <3
*huggles* Didn't wanna drag you down!
DeleteThanks chick, yeah, a lot has happened over the last six years and I'm definitely doing better than I was then. :D
Love you too! XX
Oh Kyra... I hate these down times... You poor thing! I turned 30 last year, and truth? It was the hardest year of my life. Not because of the age thing, but it just happened to be. These down moments make us stronger... because when we overcome them, we change... and all for the better. It's AMAZING what can happen when we face hardship and come out on top... it's crazy difficult, but you've got a whole world of friends who absolutely adore you and support you. And there is HUGE merit to your work and your writing. I'm glad you know that it's just a phase and you'll pull out of it soon!
ReplyDeleteThanks Morgan! Hearing that from someone as supremely talented as you makes me feel a whole lot better!
DeleteOh big hugs! I actually wish I was more like you. Pumping out fantabulous books and creating such amazing characters. This too shall pass, my dear. Let me know if you need anything!
ReplyDeleteAww, thank you Cassie!
DeleteListen lovely! If you feel bad turning 30 imagine how I feel turning 60!!! As you say, age is just a number but I know how you feel. I too have been a bit down, lately and I am struggling with my WIP. But..."This too shall pass". It generally does and as you say after a short while drowning in self pity I usually pick myself up and get going again!!!
ReplyDeleteNo freaking way your 60! Did you use your granddaughter's picture? Tell me the youthful secret...I'm 43 and in desperate need!!!
DeleteThank you Pat! :D
DeleteI hope you feel better after unloading. And you're right, most writers feel exactly the same as you (and if they don't, we'll just pretend they don't exist for now, smug gits).
ReplyDeleteLOL!
DeleteYeah, I'm feeling better today, thanks to all these amazing, uplifting comments!
You're not alone sweet, talented chickie. I took 30 in stride,but 40 depressed the crap out of me. I won't give you sympathy...just assurance. You have everything it takes to make it. I look up to you. Never give up! And pass me my cookie. I want chocolate chip.
ReplyDelete*hands over chocolate chip cookies*
DeleteThanks, Elizabeth! I look up to you!! :D
I know how you feel about not being able to afford living alone at this age. While there are some people like my pathetic so-called fiancé, who make excuses for still living at home well into adulthood and not looking anywhere else for work or trying other types of work, a lot of people these days are in situations where they have to live at home or live with a bunch of roommates in a less than dream place. I feel stupid I believed the modern, Western myth that everyone can expect to move out immediately at 18 and automatically find a place to live and earn enough money to afford that long-term. Maybe 30+ years ago that was realistic, but not nowadays.
ReplyDeleteI hear ya! It is almost impossible to afford to live alone, or even comfortably with a roommate. Hard times. :(
DeleteThanks for the cookie. You don't suck Kyra but I'm glad you let it all out here so we can support you. I'll be 28 Nov 29 and trust me I know what it's like not to be where you planned. I still live with my parents. My two younger sibs (adults now) do too but I still feel I should've left already. Working on it though, working on it.
ReplyDelete*hugs* It is good to know I'm not the only one still living with my mum!
DeleteHang in there! You may not be where you want to be yet, but all of us here know that you are a terrific writer! We all have the same doubts. Just don't give up!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!
DeleteKyra--I want to give you a big hug :) You don't suck. And if there is something you really want in your life you can have it. Be the best person you can possibly be and people will automatically be drawn to you.
ReplyDelete*hugs*
DeleteThat is pretty much my motto, but it has definitely faltered in recent weeks. Hopefully I can get that drive back again!
*hug*
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel, as you said every writer goes through it. I can tell you though you most definitely don't suck! You are an amazing writer and even more importantly you are an amazing person! Don't be sad.
*hugs*
DeleteThank you Laura! You're the best! <3
"A birthday is the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip." ~unknown
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you!! Happy Birthday dear Kyraaaaa!!! Happy Birthday to you!!!!
"Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many." ~unknown
"Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that
the people who have the most live the longest." ~Larry Lorenzoni
Aww, I love the quotes! Particularly the last one, it made me laugh!
DeleteI remember 30...barely. 20 was the tough one for me. (Had to start acting like an adult.) One more down and I'll see how 50 treats me. Something about "half a century..." Chin up on the writing front; you've got talent!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jeff!
DeleteLOL, yeah that acting like an adult thing can be really tough - I still haven't managed it! :p
You know my views about all of this, so I won't repeat myself. Basically, it's everything that everyone else has written x 1000! I actually went and checked out your Goodreads reviews, and they are awesome!!!
ReplyDeleteLol thanks Annalisa, I know you already heard some of this the other day! <3
DeleteI'm glad you got this out in your post because you shouldn't hold onto all these negative feelings. You're a published author with great reviews, selling your books and not many people can say that. As for turning 30 it really is just a number though I think it's sometimes harder on us ladies than the guys. Hope by the time you get to this comment you're feeling better. Chin up and lots of hugs! (:
ReplyDelete*huggles* Thank you, Elise! Feeling much better today thanks to all you amazing people!
DeleteIt's all been said already Kyra but hope you feel better soon. I think you have achieved so much already and I'm sure there is loads more out there for you yet. I remember turning 30 as a tricky age when I reached 40 I just had a big party! Sending hugs and flowers :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Suzanne! XX
DeleteI think big birthdays always make people freak out. But it is just a number. And you know, the main thing is just to think about what you want out of life, not think about what other people have. We all live our lives to our own timeline. The main thing is to take action where you aren't happy, to the best of your ability, and don't knock yourself if sometimes that doesn't work out. That's how it goes, we can only pick ourselves back up again.
ReplyDelete& don't let that insecurity fairy criticise your writing *tells it off* ;)
Wise words, indeed! I am trying to work on not giving myself a hard time over things I can't change!
DeleteHee hee, thanks for getting rid of the insecurity fairy! :D
I panicked when I hit 30. Hitting 40 was much better.
ReplyDeleteYou're just at dip after so much excitement with your first book.
Use KDP Select with caution. It's not as effective anymore because there are so many free books.
It's definitely a dip - you're probably right, it has been quite a whirlwind!
DeleteI will be careful with KDP, but it has been quite a useful tool. :D I won't be overusing it though!
I can only echo the others in categorically stating that you don't suck! It can be really hard to evaluate our own work. Maybe it's best to leave it to others because we all think you're amazing! :)
ReplyDeleteIt's funny you mention that about CPs because I feel the same way when reading anyone's work. I know you had way more constructive criticism on my WIP then I did on yours!
Anyway I hope you feel better - you've achieved an incredible amount just in the last few months, remember that. You should be giving yourself a massive pat on the back. :D
Thanks, Nick! Your endless support has made the crappy times SO much easier!
DeleteBelieve me. I am well-acquainted with that particular brand of depression. Failure feelings suck! *Hugs* Just you wait. Good things are on the horizon!
ReplyDeleteThank you!! *hugs*
DeleteYep, I think you are the furthest thing from alone in this - many of us have felt like losers at various times! I'm pretty happy with my life all around, but I'm very unlucky in love so I have to live vicariously through my characters for that good stuff. hehe. Other than that I'm doing well, though not as well with my writing as I'd like (so many unpolished manuscripts, absolutely NO polished works ready for publication :P). So don't worry, you're not alone. *Hugs* I hope this feeling has passed now!
ReplyDeleteHee hee, living vicariously through characters is something I am very much familiar with! *huggles*
DeleteHappy belated birthday! What you're feeling is perfectly normal, and I can definitely relate to it. I turned 30 a year and a half ago, and it did affect my perspective. And like you, I had doubts about my own life. I think it's hard because you can turn on the TV and see people who are still in their teens and have already accomplished more than some people accomplish in a lifetime. But at the same time, people like that are the exceptions; most of us need more time to accomplish our goals, and that's okay.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteYou're absolutely right. Although there are other people who seem to have achieved much more in a short time, it doesn't mean I have failed. Some things just take time.
Hey,
ReplyDeleteYup late again, so I hope you're chilling out on a chocolate rush with all the cookies and treats zooming around this comments.
I'm a baker's dozen up on you, and I agree with the above comments and would offer only one nugget of advice now that you're 30:
Life will be brighter,
Live stong and live long
Don't worry when you're wrong
Find comfort where you belong
And, don't forget: you're a pubbed Writer.
Thank you! <3
DeleteI'm sorry you had some tough weeks, but just the fact that you can call yourself a published author is a huge achievement! It really is!
ReplyDeleteAnd I hope your Blindsided blog tour posts are going well - since NaNo starts tomorrow!
I'm a firm believer that you're only a failure if you believe it so. You're only 30? Psht. You've got a lot of decades to make things happen :P
ReplyDeleteKeep your chin up. You always have the support here :)
Hang in there! One of my favorite quotes is "Never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about." Since that "something" is writing for all of us, it's definitely worth sticking it out. You'll be back on the upswing soon! ;)
ReplyDelete