Disclaimer: I used this title to warn people in advance of the whiny, self-pitying nature of this post. Also, this may not make any sense whatsoever, but I've had a bunch of stuff going around in my head for a long time, so it's time to purge my brain to make way for new, more positive thoughts. I promise to be my usual self next time!
Urgh. The joys of self-doubt. As a writer, I know this is part of the deal. I see other writers feeling the same way I feel right now, and I think, "But... you're amazing, everyone loves you and your books, how can you be insecure?" Which inevitably leads to me wondering if anyone feels that way about me, and my books.
I just finished writing what I consider to be my best book so far. According to some of my past reviews, I didn't set the bar that high to begin with lol. My reviews for Game On continue to baffle me. I know it's FAR from perfect, and I've been itching to edit it since I hit publish lol. The thing I cling to every time I see one of the bad reviews for Game On is that mostly, it comes with a "I think this writer has a great writing style, but..." - so I guess I just didn't nail the story as well as I thought I did. And I guess that's okay. It was my first book, and I had way more to learn than I even realised.
And my new book. My CPs have been AMAZING. They've all brought so much to the story, helping me re-shape things a little, spotting the silly mistakes I made. They all said they loved it - so what's the problem? Why isn't that enough? There are a couple of reasons. My MC makes a very questionable decision in the middle of the book. One that is so obviously going to backfire on her - and I'm worried it will be an issue. People will say she's stupid, made the wrong choice, hate her for it. But for her, in the context of the story, it makes absolute sense. Or it does to me. But my judgement isn't always the best - so maybe I'm wrong. And maybe, what I think is a strong book, is actually complete crap.
Also, what makes a book go from, "That was really good, I enjoyed it." to "OMG, I need to tell everyone about this RIGHT NOW!"? I definitely haven't written that book, but I'd like to think I've got it in me. Maybe I haven't. Maybe I'm destined to live in the land of mediocrity.
Blah. Sorry. The verbal vomit has been festering for a long time, which is why I sound like someone who sits alone in her room, rocking back and forth, and crying into my keyboard. It's not THAT bad. New ideas are forming, I have a couple of books tentatively started, and I'm too busy to sit around dwelling on all this. But it has been on my mind more and more recently. So, there you go. My Monday morning, self-involved whine.
I'm not really seeking answers here - but hugs are always appreciated!
P.S If you're new here, I'm not usually like this!