Tuesday, 12 June 2012

First Fight/First Kiss Blogfest


Yay, it's blogfest time! Many thanks to Danielle and Jackie for hosting! Here are the details:

Share your 1st FIGHT and 1st KISS scenes in your MS’s or WIP’s. Crack open your current project or dive back into an old one. We want to feel what your characters feel. From the sting of their first fist-to-the-face to the tingling taste of their first kiss.

Today is First Fight day, and I wanted to bring you a small excerpt from my NaNo novel which centres around Jesse Shaw, one of the characters from Game On. It's a bit rough, and a bit vague - mainly because I wrote it quickly, Jesse's voice still needs work, and this fight in full would be packed with spoilers, but hopefully it gives enough info to make sense!  

Just to clear up a small thing - Georgia is Isabelle's twin sister. :) 


 **


“Izzy,” I said. “You know the right thing to do.”
Isabelle looked down at me with those big brown eyes, and my insides twisted with guilt. Right away, I realised that was stupid. I was the one lying in a hospital bed, the future of my career hanging by a thread. It was her choice. She could haul me up, or watch me plummet. I hated that she was put in this awkward position. But I didn’t put her there. Georgia did.
“Jesse,” she said, her voice barely more than a whisper, “I can’t do it.”
“Why?”
Stupid question.
“Because it’ll ruin everything for her. I can’t do that to her.”
She turned away from me, and I knew it was over. She was going to walk out, let me crash and burn.
“That’s it?” I asked. “You’re not even going to think about what this is going to do to me?”
“I have thought about it!” she snapped, whirling around to look at me again. “I haven’t slept since it happened! I’ve tried to look at this from every angle, and I think-”
“You think saving your sister’s love life is more important than saving my career?” I asked, anger beginning to rise within me. I didn’t want to yell at her, I wanted to rewind a couple of days and not go to that stupid party so we could go back to how we were. How could she be so small-minded to think that her sister’s relationship would survive and be more important than the one thing I’d worked for my whole life?
“Jesse, your injury … you know, you might never play football again.”
If it was possible for the knife to twist any further, that comment made it happen. This girl was not the girl I met when I first arrived in England. She’d been replaced by some cold-hearted lookalike.
Maybe it’s Georgia.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Isabelle said. “This isn’t easy for me either.”
“Oh really? Which part is difficult for you? The part where you get to go back to your happy, privileged life? The part where your sister and Elliot skip off together into the sunset? Or the part where you go back to being mummy and daddy’s little angel who stays at home on Saturday nights reading books and playing Scrabble?”
The words hurt my mouth as they flew out at her. I wanted to take them back, but somewhere deep inside me, they’d been stewing for days. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I needed her to see what she was doing to me.
Isabelle’s eyes filled with angry tears. “The part where I give you up! The part where I let you go because I don’t want to be forced to choose between the two people I care about the most! You think this is so simple for me, that the right answer is obvious, but it’s not! It’s not obvious, and it’s not easy. It’s killing me.”
If I could have got out of bed and held her in my arms, I would have. Angry as I was, I wanted to hold her, to block out some of the pain she felt. Pain that wasn’t my fault, but that I’d somehow contributed to by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

** 
 And there you have it! Don't forget to check out the other participants!
 

84 comments:

  1. What a great extract. It's so full of emotion; that's where the struggle is rather than a physical one.

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    1. Thank you! Yes, I took fight to mean an argument rather than a physical fight. I don't write many fist fights lol!

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  2. Holy moly! That was intense. I could really feel Jesse and Isabelle's pain. The tension was palpable. And what the heck happened? Why is Jesse in hospital with his career on the line? Can't wait to find out more.

    And for something you class as "rough, and a bit" and "Jesse's voice still needs work" - I thought it was excellent. Jesse is coming along wonderfully, you're doing boy voice really well, and you can see that when polished this story is going to be something special.

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    1. Thank you chica! <3

      I'm really pleased this piqued your interest, I know how you love Jesse! :D

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  3. Oooh how intense! Looking forward to finding out more, Kyra :)

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  4. Oh wow! I've been dying to read a bit of your NaNo novel if I'm honest, and now that I have I really want to read more. This was fantastic, so full of emotion and pain. I hope things work out for them!

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  5. What a good fight! It's very interesting that one of them is stuck in a hospital bed -- that adds some interesting, I guess, "non-movement" to the scene. Since, you know, fights scenes are usually pretty active.

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    1. Lol, yes, I like to be different if I can! :D

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  6. you are doing an excellent job! i was expecting punches, didnt think about a verbal battle!

    great job!

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    1. LOL, I am starting to wonder if I completely misjudged what this fest is all about! :D Thanks, Tara!

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  7. Intense! A great fight! Thanks for sharing. :)

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  8. What a great excerpt! I could feel Jesse's inner turmoil! Nice job with this.

    Thanks for participating in our bloghop!

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    1. Thanks for hosting! :D I'm glad you enjoyed the scene!

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  9. Wow, intense. I want to hear more. Great job!

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  10. Great fight scene, and so emotional! It really makes me want to read more to find out the circumstances! :)

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  11. Man, I feel bad for both of them. Every time I start to think Jesse's in the right, Isabelle says something that makes me sympathize with her too. Love the push and pull between them, and LOVE this line: "The words hurt my mouth as they flew out at her."

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    1. Thank you!! I like that line a lot too - it just flowed out of my fingertips, and I impressed myself lol!

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  12. Wow, this is great! I can't believe it's an early draft. Very intense, well done.

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    1. Thank you! I love intense scenes like this, and I'm glad that vibe came through!

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  13. So gut wrenching. I don't know whether to slap Izzy or hold her. And I can't decide who's side to take either. Ugh!

    Oooo what if it is the twin?! That dirty b*&^h! If you want extra eyes on this - let me know!

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    1. Heh, I felt that way when I wrote it!

      Thanks for the offer, I will need extra eyes on it at some point, so I'll hit you up when I'm ready! :D

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  14. I want to know what happened then read on. Great excerpt!

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    1. Thank you, glad you liked it! :D

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  16. That was a great excerpt! I feel the pain for both of them. Very Nice. :)

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  17. Great scene--very powerful! You do dialogue very well. :)

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    1. Thanks, dialogue has always been my strong point. It's everything else that's a problem lol!

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  18. Very intense. These two appear to have a dynamic relationship and that makes for some excellent reading. Well done!

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    1. Thanks, Mina! I will need to put a lot of work into the finer details of the relationship on the second draft, but this shows it off reasonably well for now. :D

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  19. Now this is one great blogfest! And as always Kyra, I love your writing:)

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  20. Awesome dialog Kyra! And I'm a big fan of Jesse, so I may be a bit biased about this piece :)

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    1. Haha, I love how there are so many Jesse fans already!

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  21. Aww, I felt so sad at the end. Awesome excerpt, hon!

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  22. I loved "the words hurt my mouth as they flew out at her". Oh, how many times I've felt that way. Your choice of words/descriptives helped bring out the intensity and emotions swirling around that hospital room. Nice job!

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    1. Thanks! Those words proved very popular! :D

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  23. Really great dialogue! It totally drives the scene. Nicely done.

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  24. Great tension in the dialogue! Really enjoyed this, Kyra!

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  25. Great dialogue. Just shows a fight doesen't have to include fists to be painful.

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    1. Thank you! I think words can be much more painful than fists sometimes. :)

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  26. That's a bit of a teaser, isn't it? I want to know what's happened to lead them there and what happens next!

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    1. Yay! I'm glad it had the desired effect! ;)

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  27. If you had to edit out a bunch of information, I certainly couldn't tell... this flowed nicely as a stand alone excerpt and the others are right... the dialogue drove the story well! Thanks for sharing!

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  28. Awww... this pulled my heart strings and made me want to cry at the end. I loved it :)

    Andrea

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  29. I could feel the tension and pain. Good excerpt.

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  30. WHOO-HOO!!!! GO KYRA! You are a phenomenal writer. I hope you know that!

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    1. I <3 you! Thank you, Leigh, that means SO much to me!

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  31. Visiting from the bloghop and dying to know what happened at that party!
    A2Z Mommy and What’s In Between

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    1. LOL, it was very hard to keep all the info out of the excerpt!

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  32. "The words hurt my mouth as they flew out at her."

    THAT'S a badass line :)

    PS... Check me out (whoot!) when you have a chance... you got awarded.. but it ain't the EURO '12 Cup :)~

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    1. Ha, I have never been called badass before! :D

      Thanks for the award!!

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  33. Wow. That's some great tension. I'm hating life for your MC.

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    1. Thanks! Yes, both of their lives really suck at the moment!

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  34. Cool. Everything gets turned on its head :)

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  35. I didn't think it was vague, I thought it was great! I loved the bit about him thinking it was a sister. You can tell there's a lot of complicated stuff going on here for both of them.

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    1. Thank you! This storyline does get a little tangled here - a lot of bad things happen!

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  36. Lots of tension in this piece and the dialogue is great. :)

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  37. Very complex scene - definitely hints at an intriguing before & after story. What a fun idea for a blogfest.

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    1. Thank you! :D Yes, this fest was loads of fun!

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  38. Leaves me with a lot of questions, certainly, but I can't help wanting to hit Isabelle. I mean, the girl waits until Jesse wakes up to tell him? Seems awfully cowardly to me. At least wait until he's up and about.

    "cold-hearted lookalike" is right. I got other words I'd like to use to describe her, believe me. ^_^

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    1. Haha! Well, she didn't really have much choice but to have the discussion in the hospital - they have limited time to decide what to do. :D

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  39. What a cute idea for a blog. I'll have to visit the others. Thanks!

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  40. Great excerpt, Kyra - and for a rough draft, REALLY great! :) I love fight scenes when you know there will be making up later. hehe

    Going off to read the kiss post now! woo!

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  41. Love it! Sign me up for your tour. :)

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